What Are You Waiting For?

I have become more than complacent over the last couple of years than I care to admit. With my spiritual growth and search for wisdom that is. It has just come to my attention how lukewarm I have become in regards to spiritual life and how difficult it is for me to make it a priority. This is not easy for me to admit, nor am I very proud of this however, it deserves to be said and it deserves to be rectified.

Through the last few weeks I have been slowly working through Francis Chan's book Crazy Love. It has punched me right in the stomach some days and has really forced me to really examine myself as 2 Corinthians 13:5 says, "Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine." I have found that I am guilty of being lukewarm and of not going outside of what I feel to be comfortable. I've done what I can to be "godly enough" and acceptable enough to see the Lord when He decides my time is up, but I have come to really ask myself, "Is that really helping anyone or is it just pleasing yourself?"

I have let a lot of people down but most importantly I have let down the one person in my life that has been with me through thick and thin, death and life, joy and pain, growth and setbacks....Jesus. I have not given Him the attention, love, and worship that He deserves and I have come to find that I cannot change on my own but only through His Spirit. I can only learn how to love Him more and more genuinely with His help. My prayer is to love Him more and to want to love Him more. It won't be easy because I'm such a faulty human being but with the Lord's help, anything is possible.

This is a prayer from Francis Chan's book and it spoke volumes to me today and it will be my prayer that will guide me to the place where I need to be:

"Jesus, I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love You and walk with You on my own. I can't do it, and I need You. I need You deeply and desperately. I believe You are worth it, that You are better than anything else I could have in this life or the next. I want You. And when I don't, I want to want You. Be all in me. Take all of me. Have Your way with me."

Amen.